Hey. I’m super hyped off all this supportive energy!! I really appreciate anyone who’s even reading this right now. You’re fucking amazing. My wholeeeee life, I’ve always had SO much to say. SO much—but I never said any of it.. and I didn’t fully realize why, until very recently. 1) I’ve always been snubbed aside.. denied recognition. For whatever reason, people have never really chosen to speak of my light. Truthfully, I’ve done quite a lot of things, or accomplishments, you can say.. and I’m always the one who gets a simple high-five and “oh word that’s cool.” As a result, 2) I’ve never really been confident in myself. My insecurity has been and still is my worst demon. It’s like a little goblin sitting in the back of my head… Just whispering these little criticisms and insults to me (and believe me, I’m putting it nicely). The things «eye» do and say to myself, can be sooo wicked. So cold. Truthfully, mental abuse. Of the self. It is the ego, I discovered. It is not you. It is your shadow self. I decided to stop letting these little comments defeat me. I decided to stop letting my mind control me. How can I let something of my own, something that I am supposed to have control of, control me? Like ummmmm, who do you think you are? This is my body, not yours. «eye» am the light in the dark. If you are my mind, in this body that «eye» was given, how come you have so much power? You don’t. The mind, often feels like another person, like you literally have someone else with you. At all times. Truly, you’re never alone. 69743. Woah. I was trying to type, and wrote on the number pad and ending up writing this number…. It feels significant. I’ll probably read into it right after this lol. Anyway, you’re always being spoken to. Your mind can either be a channel for your God-self or your shadow self.. But then there is you. In psychology, we were taught Freud’s concept of the mind/psyche – the id, the ego, and the superego. The id is your shadow self, what we know as the ego, it feeds into all your desires, your cravings, the lust, temporary feelings, pride, power, etc. The superego is your God self, it is the you that wants to serve humanity. The you that tells you not to litter on the floor, and to give your Mom her change back, and to clean up after yourself and around the house, to do for others and serve others – it is the Christ consciousness. And then there is the ego – you. You are the observer of all these thoughts going on, of everything around you. Your id and superego are constantly making judgments and observations around you.. The ego is the balance within all of this, or at least tries to be. Because this all happens in one place, “the brain” (so sciencey ugh lmao), it is hard for us to differentiate the three, and it ends up being one. As a result, the ego//you embody either one of two options.. The id or the superego. And of course, we all immediately choose the id. Why not? It’s easier. Who wants to take it the hard way when we can just go through all these shortcuts? I mean, do «eye» really have to hold the door open for that lady? She has arms, doesn’t she? – ah, you see. It can take over so easily.. As if it has a mind of its own.. It starts to control you. So easily.
And this is why the key is always to remain a balance. It is the duality. The yin-yang // positive and negative. Truthfully, !697! (again but I think it’s so cool so I’ll keep it) you can never get rid of your id (using Freud’s terminology) or superego, and definitely not the ego. And believe it or not, but the id actually comes in handy sometimes.. There are times when you must use your instinct. Ahhhhh that is the difference, instinct vs intuition. They go hand in hand, but they are not one and the same. Your instinct is the id, while your intuition is the superego. It is all about which one you feed. In the physical realm, we abide by our instinct. In the spiritual realm, we follow our intuition. There are two paths, and you must take one. Truly, «eye» believe it’s all about which one you embody. The Self or The Spirit. To be completely honest, «eye» am currently in a meditative state/trance and feeling an outerbody experience while typing this to you. It is amazing. I’ve never felt such relief like this before, such freedom. I should look at my mood ringgggggg!
So cool. But yeah. That’s me. I feel awesome now, so I really thank you if you’re listening.. Or even skimming idc. In the past, I probably would’ve made something like this, but kept it on private. Or hid it in a journal – which I still do, but that’s for meeeeee. But this is who «eye» am. These are my thoughts. Welcome.