Figuring Myself Out

7:14 am

Morning guys! (To be honest, I put the “!” but I am very solemn right now). I haven’t slept since 3 am and before that, I fell asleep around 12.. I’ve kind of been all over the place this week – having mood swings, conflict, seeing my ego rise, and being lost in my thoughts.. I’ve realized I’m somewhere in between an eternal state of confusion and an eternal state of understanding; but that is… The balance. Sometimes I feel like I neglect myself.. Sometimes I feel too lazy to dedicate and devote time, love, care, and compassion to myself. I think I am weighed down by the amount of time I spend blazing, my empathy, and my shadow self. I don’t think «eye» truly want to see myself shine and succeed. «eye» do, but I always second-guess myself. I always feel like there might be someone better.. More talented. 

I’ve decided that I can’t let these feelings overcome me. I’ve decided that I won’t let these feelings become emotions. I’ve decided that rather than repressing these feelings, and embodying/internalizing them as a result, I will feel them in the moment, and try to understand why «eye» feel this way. I will stop beating myself up. I will stop bullying myself. These negative whispers will no longer affect me because «eye» will not let them. «eye» am stronger than my mind. «eye» am the controller. 

«eye» am the creator. 

Bless. 

7:21 am

7 thoughts on “Figuring Myself Out

  1. The greatest gift you can give yourself is self awareness. Just the mere fact that you have questions about your own imperfections and flaws is awesome. Your search for answers may feel daunting and frustrated. However, as long as you continue your search within, you will find the answers. You will wake up one day and it will all make sense. This search that you are going through is called growth, moving on to the next level in your life. Continue your trod.

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  2. Am wondering does your self doubt stem from who your mother and father is, the history of your family. The fact that you are now faced with the burden of meeting a standard not from them but society? That can be extremely debilitating. People have to love you for who you are and accept you bring something to the table too that’s different. You are you,not your mom or dad,just you!!! Be yourself because if you can write a blog about your deep feelings, you are already on that journey of just being you!!

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  3. I love how who can collect your thoughts and express them in such a way that is so transparent and identifiable. I believe that I have allowed my own ego to drive me for too long, I thought I was fulfilling my wish for happiness but in actual fact I had bought into the needs of my ego. My ego demanded that I focus on achieving unrealistic goals, it placed too much expectation and pressure on me. These standards did not motivate me, they held me captive through fear of failure. Deep within I know I have design talents and can achieve great things but my ego has maintained me in a luke warm existence. I think it’s an internal batte, when you give rise to your own true self it weakens the ego and so rather than expose true vulnerability the ego does what it knows best and protects through attack, haunting the soul with self doubt. I wonder when the ego is born? Is it a protective armour that you develop growing up as a coping mechanism or does society create and mould the ego to control and weaken the spirit? Selah, I believe you have a much greater battle to fight than most. Not only do you have to overcome your own ego, you are effectively managing the expectations of others egos who have placed you in a box with your family of high achievers. The only thing you must focus on is understanding and loving your true self. Bury the control of the ego who wants you to compare yourself, believe you are not good enough, and hold you back from defining your own spotlight. You will be nobody else and you will be perfect.

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  4. There is no one better to carry out your purpose than you. Don’t let thoughts of someone being “better” limit your contributions to us. Everyone has their own purpose and vision. Who’s to say someone “more talented” is here to do what you’ve set out to do?

    #MuchLove

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