Hi guys, it’s been a while.. I know, I know. I’ve just been all over the place, doing madddddd shit. I’m moving into college in 5 days & I’ve been preparing for that (!!!!!) – both physically and mentally. With that being said, I think that begins this post. I’m writing this post for two reasons: 1. I haven’t really written a post in a long time and don’t want to neglect my baby. 2. I wanna kinda vent about life.
Lately, as hyped and excited as I am for school, I’ve been procrastinating a lot…. A lot. Truthfully, I know what it is. I’ve found that subconsciously, I fear change.. and success. I think I feel a little undeserving and unprepared. I like to have control, and lol wtf can u have control over in college in New York City. Dude I’m going to NYU like this shit is huuuuuuge.. and I’m SO excited, but also a little anxious. I’m also a little fearful of myself and the decisions I might make. Sometimes I just feel like I’ve come so far and I don’t wanna mess it all up.
But I’ve realized, that it is necessary to fuck up in life. Life is about the fuck-ups and ESPECIALLY college. Honestly yo, life is about having fun. I think many people, when they get on this spiritual path become like morality robots. They forget to live. I forget to live… and I’ve realized, it’s not that I’ll forget.. It’s just that I’m scared I’ll do a little too much living. I keep thanking myself, for the fact that I’ll be in school because it is a beautiful foundation. I tell myself, “if I fuck everything in my life up, at least I’ll be in school,” and honestly, right now, that’s good enough for me. I know I’m gonna do some wild shit. I just know it. First taste of freedom and liberty, living on my own, in New York City… it’s just fucking crazy.
However, the point is always to keep that balance. FUCK UP. You’re gonna fuck up and go crazy. It’s okay, though. Don’t run from it and don’t hide from your true self, which is both good and bad.. Dark and Light. As long as you are aware, and stay grounded. Stay grounded. Always remember what you’re here for… Only thing is, I told myself I was only going to college for the experience and wisdom that I’d gain from it sooooooooo lol. Lol we’ll see….. We’ll seeeeeeee.
I’m glad I wrote this post though. I feel like I got a lot off my chest. Truth be told, I’m ready to live. I just know life will be a liiiiiiiittle bit crazy. 😉