Today.. I realized I don’t really know what love is. I’m clueless. I wouldn’t know love if you slapped me in the face with it. I’ve always gotten lost in my lusts and desires; unsure of where I was headed.. high off the heat of the moment.. until it stopped. Then I’d get bored and disappear. I guess I was trying to fill a void. I’ve always been terrified of my feelings. I’ve never known what they are and I’ve always feared getting hurt. I didn’t know how to show my feelings and I didn’t know how to express my love. And now, it all feels a little bit too late. I feel like I’m stuck in a time capsule, high off memories and lost in my dreams. But I feel safe up there… I feel safe in my mind.. living in my fantasies. They always felt real, but I guess they never were. As long as I can remember, I’ve felt like an outsider.. and I’ve felt like the underdog. I’ve locked myself in Pandora’s Box.. full of all my demons. Sometimes I can’t tell the difference. I thought I loved you when I just wanted to satisfy my desires.. how selfish of me.

The truth is, though, I do love you. and that scares me.

One thought on “Love?

  1. Love is only promoted bcuz the illuminati wanted to demoralize us with lust and used “love” as the cloak. it’s a whole giant hoax. love is not even important lol.. women fall for the love trick cuz they got more to lose if a dude ditch them, so they rally around the “love” fantasy in hopes that men will join them there (in love) to contribute to raising the child/paying bills. that’s why only women pray for love while men pray for cars lol 😉

    i’m playin tho, somewhat. love is beautiful but like anything else, most of what we do/feel is a reaction to something in our life. e.g. if you’re forced into an island community of 1000 people or so, you’re going to fall in love with somebody there but it don’t mean it’s real. they just the choices you stuck with. it’s not real, it’s like, you get used to, hence grow dependent on & form loyalty to people based on proximity. is it real love? eh, it’s availability.


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